Reveal Yourself Slowly ( A personal rant)

Life is a puzzle I suppose. I find people to be the most puzzling and unpredictable. Animals.....well I know what to expect. Yes indeed they can turn on you but never with malice and cruelty. They just are what they are. Humans are different.

I think the most gullible thing anyone can say is "I know you" , nah you really dont. People often dont show their true colors until there is a crisis. Either theirs or yours. I dont want anyone to ever know me completely, that's giving away too many secrets. However, I think people know that meanness and brutality is not part of my DNA unless you threaten me or mine. Then I believe in retaliation and response is swift. The thing about that is....sometimes folks destroy themselves.

Have you ever had a friend, a long time friend that was unhealthy to be around? Someone who never really wants what is best for you? The kind of person who is jealous and petty and self-absorbed and you continue to be their friend? Why? Good question. Maybe because they can make you laugh. Maybe because they have no other friends and why dont they have other friends? Most likely because they are so frigging self righteous and convinced that the whole world is out to mistreat them. They are needy, envious, fake, hateful, pitiful, stingy, cauldron stirring, ass-kissing prigs. The kind of person that even after several years of avoiding them they need you so you take up with them again. I guess you can see where I am going with this.

People I dont really know gave me the greatest comfort when my Haven left. Kind words from fellow bloggers and bunny lovers. It truly helped me get through that first week. I have met none of you in person and yet you offered me your kindness and compassion and someone I have known for 17 years struck out like a rattlesnake but with forethought and nastiness. I would sooner put a black widow in my bed and trust it not to bite.

I was taught to be careful. To guard yourself a bit. Be cautious about who you give your trust. Always make decisions without consulting people. Never be afraid to say what you think and that independence and dignity are the most important things you own. If its scary...do it anyway and to stand up for yourself and for those that cant stand up for themselves. That true friends are few and far between and that most of them will run at the first sign of trouble and that there are some who can and will turn on you eventually.

I have cast that person off forever. When I am done, I am DONE. It is a load off of my shoulders and thanks for listening even though I know it doesn't make any sense to you. I really needed to get that one off my chest. Now, lets move forward with this blogging thing.

I have lost twice in the last few weeks but I will only miss Haven.

Monday Mantra:

“The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there...and still on your feet.”

Stephen King

Final Words From Haven

I love you all dear friends. Your kind words are so touching to Mom. She avoided blogging about the worst parts of my illness for a long time. Just a few days before I left, Mom decided to stop fretting and worrying about my "time" . It was prophetic.

My last few weeks I could no longer stand. I couldn't pee anymore and had bad bladder sludge. My privates were infected and I had a tumor growing in my throat. Antibiotics were no longer working and the fluids and pain meds were really just keeping me here. I continued to eat all my food and enjoy attention without complaint. On Friday morning Mom knew I couldn't stand it anymore and she called the vet.

It was a very quick exit. Mom held me tight and whispered love in my ear. Then all the pain disappeared in a breath and there was just peace.

Thank you all so much for caring about me, for cheering me on and for your words of love. My earth body is gone and my spirit is in the Summer lands now. I am with Nemo, Stewart, Oscar kitty and a Good Dog named Moe that Mom had many years ago. He watches over all of us.

In my previous life I was lucky enough to be loved and in this life I am HEALTHY AND FREE!

The Rainbow Bridge Got Lucky Today

My precious Haven has left us.

"...he will be our friend for always and always and always." ~ Rudyard Kipling

Heartland is having a contest!

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Monday Mantra

One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.
Virginia Woolf

"Your just like your father!"

The north forty at dusk
Turtle playing in the catmint

Have no clue????? Another thing that just showed up in my yard.

Now most of you could give two hoots about my dad. I am gonna write about him and that is all there is to that. I need to buy a scanner so I can get pictures of him up. I will one of these days. I feel closest to my Dad when I am in the yard. He loved the outdoors and all the wildlife. Yes we are a lot alike in many ways. When someone tells me that they are usually referring to my temper. PPFFFTT!

My dad was the toughest man I know. He wasnt scared of the devil and NEVER said anything he didnt mean or couldnt back up. He wasnt mean just strong. He had to be. His father put him to work in the cotton fields when he was only 6. He joined the air force when he was 16. (yep, my Grandma ok'd it) He was determined to have a better life and he did. He was the only kid out of 6 to get a college degree. (while working 2 jobs and taking care of his family and at the age of 45) So many people pass away in a whisper and never get the fireworks display they deserve. My dad died when I was 20. I thought he was the greatest until I hit my teenage years and then I was a complete asshole. I had it mixed up back then....I thought he was the asshole. I am a bit smarter now. I wish we had been friends and I hope he is proud of me.

Little tidbits about my dad:

He worshipped my mother and would have walked through fire for his family

He served 25 honorable years in the United States Air Force

He rode a horse to school

His full name was Dudley Moore Womack. (yes, his first and middle name are real)

Dad worked for the Secret Service for a time

He coached baseball

He once went ballistic on my brothers when he found out they were replacing the milk in my bottle with pickle juice

Dad didnt drink

He worked as a Game Warden for a time

He sang in church

Dad thought all men with beards probably smoked dope

He sang to me every night when I was little. "Tiny Bubbles" and "In The Good Ole Summertime"

Daddy never forgot a birthday or anniversary. We all got Valentines until the day he died (yep even my grown up brothers)

My dad hated to receive funny cards. He wanted them to be mushy

His favorite foods were beans, cornbread and coconut cake. He loved Blue Bell vanilla ice cream and always shared some with our cat Smokey who would only eat Blue Bell vanilla. "grin"

My dad liked cats

He was born and raised in Louisiana

He wrote us a letter every day while he was in Vietnam. Yes, every single day for 12 months.

The best story I remember: We were traveling cross country and dad liked eating at truck stops but he did NOT like bad language or men who bragged about sexual conquests. I was about 8 years old, sitting there with mom and dad. A table full of truckers (I am not kidding, there were at least 5 men) were sitting next to us discussing the prostitutes they had patronized. Dropping f-bombs and other words I had never heard before. My dad calmly got up and walked over. In his most polite voice said "Excuse me gentlemen. I am sitting with my wife and young daughter and we can hear every word you are saying. Would you mind cleaning up your language please" One trucker said "what are you going to do if we dont?". My dad leaned over the table and whispered something to those men that I still dont know to this day. That table turned dead quiet and daddy came back to his seat. We never heard a peep out of them while we finished our meal. God, he was a giant to me.

One day I might tell you about another dad. Jakob's dad and my brother. That wound hasnt closed and it will be 10 years this december. We will save that for another time.

If you have a good dad, appreciate him and if he has passed.....you can still appreciate him.

Happy Father's Day to all the good guys.

A Re-Post

I wish the picture was a bit bigger but its the only one I have. Opa often comes to my mind. A bunny story that is sad but also one that is filled with love. Some of you may have seen this post a couple of years ago on Heartland's blog. We have lost many buns at Heartland over the years. We feel sorrow at each and every one of them but Opa's story, while sad, ended so damn good. It only goes to show that quality is so much better than quantity.

Monday, April 27, 2009
A very special bunny man!


Opa (Grandpa) was a dear little bun that came to Heartland last fall after being casually discarded by his parent after almost 10 years. He was an elderly gent indeed. He had health problems, had been de-clawed (please don't ever do this to a bunny, there is no reason for it) and he suffered a stroke a few months ago. Despite all these challenges Opa was the sweetest natured little bun you would ever be lucky enough to snuggle. He was a source of great joy to all of us at Heartland and heartbreak as well.

Two of the terrific volunteers at Heartland; mom Amy and daughter Sarah decided in March that Opa should live out his twilight years at their home. Everyone at Heartland was so happy for Opa. We knew he would be loved and pampered like a bunny should be. Sarah would read stories to Opa and I am sure he paid rapt attention to his big sister and her tales and enjoyed every moment of it. There was just so much love. I know he soaked it up like a sponge.

Opa left for the rainbow bridge a few days ago. Although the time he had in his new home was short lived, it is so comforting to know how much this dear old bunny man was cared for during that time.

Amy and Sarah brought Grandpa Opa back to Heartland for his final resting place. It was recounted to me that as he was being laid in the earth, Heartland's resident horse Midnight also stood along with the mourners and seemed to be paying his respects to Opa as well.
Thank you Sarah and Amy for making Opa's last days so wonderful. You made such a difference in his life.

Godspeed on your journey to the bridge Opa