My Christmas Wish

Jojo ornament from my dear friend Michelle May

 

 

Ella wishes you a Merry Christmas

 

PEACE ON EARTH

"You have to be strong"

 

 

I heard those words for the first time in the third grade. My aunt said them to me as they wheeled my brother James into surgery. He was 19 years old and about to have a 12hr operation to remove a grapefruit (yes I said that right) size tumor from his head. James had started having headaches the previous year. My parents took him to doctors and they found nothing wrong. Told them "it was all in his head." Well as a matter of fact it was. When James went into surgery that morning he could still see out of one eye. When he woke up that night, he was blind. In an effort to get the tumor, they severed the other healthy optic nerve. Nobody, not even the doctors thought he would survive.  He did but he was never the same as you can imagine. A few years after surgery he started having seizures. I was told to be strong.

Daddy had a pretty bad heart attack a few years after that. The strongest man I knew was laying prone in a hospital bed. It brought me face to face with the harsh reality of mortality. My dad survived. I was strong.

When I was 20 my dad passed away from congestive heart failure. I did everything. I made every arrangement. I tried my best not to cry. I was strong for my mother and for my brothers.

When he was only 43 my oldest brother Forrest was diagnosed with throat cancer. He went through some pretty drastic treatments. In September he was told he was cancer free. October 29th he was hospitalized and never came out of the hospital. He died on December 30, 2001. I lost my mind for about an hour in the hospital that day. I still don't remember exactly what happened. I was strong in public but I was dying on the inside. A horrible rage had built inside me. The only thing that cooled that rage was his son. A 6 year old that acted just like his daddy and was the only person I cared about at the time. I stayed strong and did everything. I made all the arrangements so my mother wouldn't have to. I tried not to cry.

I watched most of the life leave my mother then. It had started slipping away by degrees. We became bitter angry people. I was so pissed off all the time. We had terrible arguments. It changed our relationship a great deal. I clung to Jakob, she clung to hostility. I still tried not to cry.

Two silly bunnies named Mojo and Tango brought a little light back into our world. We could find little things to talk about again and giggle at. That is why animals are so important to have in your life. They can bring joy where there is none. It is like when you see a really bright light in the sky. Animals and silly babies are that bright light. We have been lucky enough to have so many little bright lights.

On August 23th 2012 my mom told me she had a bad headache. She said she couldn't stand up and could I take her to the hospital. Now if you knew my mom, you would know she would never in a million years ask to go to the hospital. I called an ambulance. I never told anyone but as she was helped onto the gurney she looked at me and said "I am not going to make it, something broke inside my head." That is the last thing she ever said to me.

I sat with her mostly by myself. I made the decision by myself to turn off the machines. I asked her to give me a sign that she was ready. She did. She drifted away early Sunday morning. I sat with her while her breath left and held her hand. I was so grateful to be there with her. I still had to be strong but I did cry, mostly in private.

My family is very small now. A few days after my mom left, my dad's sister died. She was the first person that told me to be strong. A few weeks later my mom's sister passed away. Then Mills left. It has been a hell of a year. I am trying to be strong.

I inherited sole responsibility for my brother. James has plenty of issues. It might take you awhile to notice the little things. Things like little ticks or facial expressions that aren't "normal."  After a time you might catch on that you are talking to a 14 year old that lies a lot. James is 10 years older than me but is like a kid. He has no clue about how to take care of himself. He has nobody but me. I will not abandon him. My mom's family all lives in Germany, they don't speak English. I get news through my neighbor. She calls them about once a month for me. I wish they were around. My dad's family is gone or such a mess I have no desire to fool with that. Someone wise asked me if I felt like an orphan. I thought it was a strange question at the time but yeah, after I thought about it, I do feel like an orphan.

I was in no way excited about Christmas. I put up a tree because mom loved them so much. The ornament in the pic I bought just for her. She would have loved it. It was so her kind of thing. I am in a strange mode right now. I run on autopilot. I waste large amounts of time of FB. I enjoy the people and the pictures and the exchanges. I try and read books and I cant focus. I wait for spring to see all of our pretties (mom and mines) pop up out of the ground and say hello. This will be the longest winter of my life I think but I will be strong.

I have always refused to indulge in self pity. It is one the most useless emotions we can have. I will find things to be grateful for if it kills me. LOL. I am grateful for my brother, my nephew, my Heartland family, all of you, a handful of old friends and of course for these silly bunnies.

I am very grateful I am not making funeral plans for one of my children. These past few days have taught me many lessons. That is what life is really all about. Learning lessons.

Thank you for allowing me to write this out a bit. I have started it a hundred times and stopped. I feel a little better. Now, I have bunnies that need some smooches and I have to roust Jojo out from behind the couch.

Happy Holidays my friends and if you are feeling blue...do something for someone else. It will lift you, I promise. Today I got a little lift from a Facebook friend. I dont think he knows how his gift cheered me. We havent done one in some time so here is a mantra for your monday.

 

"Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind"

Lionel Hampton

You should meet Jojo

I knew there would be a bunny to take Millie's spot, not to take her place but to have her spot in the house. I was waiting for a bunny at Heartland to tell me. Watching and waiting. Last Monday I took Jojo home with me. He put on quite the show that day. We sat together on the couch and he fell away into dreamland. So we packed up his things.

Some of you have already met him. Some of you already know when he came to Heartland, he had the worst case of urine scald I have ever seen. He healed quickly and was neutered. Jojo never held a grudge against us humans. He delighted us with his antics......gave out a few scares too. He is a stubborn one.

He is my silly boy. He doesn't mind being picked up in the slightest. He runs up to me in the mornings for head rubs and kisses. He doesn't get to be free roam all the time because he LOVES to destroy things and has been a very busy bunny the last week. He is fun though, so much fun. He makes me laugh all the time and who couldn't use a little more of that.

I am a little lost at the moment with blogging. It has always been so much more personal to me than places like FB. I have a lot to I want to write about but it doesn't seem to get from my brain to the blog. I am going to try my best.

I don't always comment but I have been reading your blogs and keeping up with everyone. Yeah, I am on Fb a lot but I am home a lot now. I have to be. I will maybe go into that in a post.

All the bunnies around here are well and fat and sassy. See you real soon.

5 years this month

for Duds. Love you buddy!

Monday Mantra

"Mere longevity is a good thing for those who watch Life from the side lines. For those who play the game, an hour may be a year, a single day's work an achievement for eternity."
Helen Hayes

She spent the day

 with us all around her. Millie drifted quietly to the Summer Lands early evening Sunday

My girl knew love

 

and friendship

 

 

She was perfect. I will miss her like crazy. If you already know please don't feel obligated to comment. I just wanted to share a bit more of just how wonderful she was.

 

“There's a bit of magic in everything, and some loss to even things out.”

 

I can only give the quote credit to Lou Reed. Don't know if he wrote....only know he sang it.

So I kept asking

"Why doesn't anyone ever adopt the big white bunnies?"
So I adopted some.
Am I trying to fill a void?
Not anymore more than usual or anyone else.
Am I going to become a hoarder?
No
Am I glad these two sillies are at my house?
I guess I don't have to answer that one huh?

Meet Tilly and Tyson. They make it a nice round 9 at the house. They are learning to explore new things. Tilly is a bit bigger and a little more brave than Tyson. They are terrific but not so much according to a few other buns around here. I look forward to many adventures with these two.

Monday Mantra

"Beauty is a fragile gift."

Ovid

Monday Mantra

Meet Mr. Bojangles. He is an elder man I have taken a shine too. He lives at Triple O Equine Sanctuary in Oklahoma. You can visit them here....http://www.tripleoranchequinesanctuary.org/
Bo turned 32 this year. These folks have my utmost admiration. The plight of horses is inexcusable.

"The present is the ever moving shadow that divides yesterday from tomorrow. In that lies hope."
Frank Lloyd Wright

Whoosh The Boosh

Moved in a year ago today! Love ya Whoosh!

The Carousel

A lot of you already know that I lost my dear mother a week ago. I will blog more about her later. It will be therapeutic but not now. Its not time yet.

My mom's favorite little bunnies at Heartland were/are Sampson and Jack. I decided to honor her by bringing them home with me. A couple of years ago Sam and Jack's mom had to bring them to Heartland. Their mom was very ill and could not take care of them any longer. I remember how frail she looked when she brought them and imagined how I would feel if I were in her shoes. Giving up my babies is something I cant even comprehend. I will take care of them now. They have helped lighten my sorrow just a bit. Sammycakes is curious about everything and follows me all over. Jack is still a bit of a fraidy but we will work on it. Sampson has a very intense gaze and looks intently into your eyes. They are both very small little buns. Welcome to my home boys. I will love you forever.

A big thanks to Rabbits Guy and Bunny Lady. I won the garlic braid contest and just received my prize in the mail. I love me some garlic and will get a lot of use out of it. Thank you so much for that and the yummy bunny treats and sweet postcard they included also. You can visit The House of Rabbits here http://houseofrabbits.blogspot.com/

Thank you all for your emails and comments. I will make it through. Life is a carousel and keeps going around and around. New people get on and others get off. I will miss my mama like crazy.

I look forward to catching up with all of you very soon. So many things still left to do.

Monday Mantra On Sunday

Meet the handsome Gryphon. I met his mom Tracey on Facebook and knew this was Whoosh's long lost twin brother. Gryphon passed very suddenly on Saturday, Aug 18th. Please leave a kind comment for his family. Thank you for letting me share Whoosh's brother Tracey. Godspeed Gryphon.

"Just living is not enough... one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."

  ~Hans Christian Andersen

Monday Mantra

Meet Hershel. A new addition to Heartland. Do you see 2 bunnies in this picture? Where is the other?

"If God had wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets"

Mel Brooks



Monday Mantra

These little ones along with their mom just came to Heartland!

So Sleepy!

Snuggly buns.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Mark Twain

Have you seen my appendix?

Me either. I really dont understand why strangers get to look at my insides when I never have. They didnt even buy me dinner.

Monday July 2. I think I have food poisoning. Tuesday the pain begins. I take myself over to Urgent Care. They do a cbc...my white count is through the roof. There is something suspicious looking on my gall bladder. The doctor tells me to go to the emergency room NOW, I have some kind of infection in my tummy. I go of course, straight to the ER. ( I really dont know where commas go, I just throw them in willy nilly)

ER doctor (did not like) presses on my stomach in just the right spot. I wanted to knock him out. He thinks its my appendix. They want to do a CT. They want to put dye in my nether regions. I really dont care at this point other than I wish I had on better underwear. Thank you mother.

Yep its my appendix. You must stay and we will call the surgeon. Its coming out of me at 6am. I panic thinking I dont have enough greens for the bunnies. I tell the doc I will think about it. He didnt care for that answer at all. I made some calls and decided I had better stay. Bring on the pain meds!

They start an IV and give me Morphine. That crap lasts about 30 minutes. I tell nurse Joe I want something better. He leaves and returns with a miracle in a syringe called Fentanyl. I love him now. I also decided it would be a good idea to text random friends at 3am. Keep in mind I am a bad patient. No I don't whine and complain and ring the buzzer but I dont like to stay in bed and I am hungry. I haven't eaten in 2 days and once the pain went away I was starvin like Marvin. Those bastards wont even give me water. Whatever, there is a sink in the bathroom. At least I can sneak that after nurse Joe foiled my attempt to get to a vending machine.

I have never had real surgery. I had some leg veins stripped a few years but I was awake. Come 5am ever single person in that hospital wanted a piece of me. Xrays, blood work, EKG...you name it. Now Mr. Chest Xray was quite the looker. I immediately began to take off my shirt when he walked in. He just gave me a sour look and told me to keep my clothes on. RATS! They roll me downstairs where I meet the pusher man (anesthesiologist) and the surgeon.

When the surgeon introduces himself I notice he is bleeding from the chin. I inform him that he is losing blood and he lets me know he cut himself shaving. Uh huh and he is coming after me with a scalpel. Lovely. Do I have any questions? Yes, when can I get something to eat. Mr. Cut and Run just chuckles. Apparently he thinks I am joking. I remember nothing after that.

Surgery takes 37 minutes. I wake up sometime later in recovery. The nurse asks me some stupid questions I cant remember and I ask for food and fall back to sleep. I wake up again in my room. Nurse asks if I need anything. What time is lunch? The doctor says if I can keep down broth and jello I can have some real food. Now I despise jello with every fiber of my being. Its gross and wiggly, made from nastiness and the texture is horrific.

When nurse Haley brings my broth and jello I snarf it up like a caveman. Slopped jello all down the front of my pretty hospital dress and ask what else she has. She give me crackers, freaking crackers. I ate 6 packages. As soon as she leaves I call the cafeteria and put in my order for lunch which I can only have if the doctor says yes. I tell nurse Haley to call the doc and tell him I want lunch and I want to leave that evening. I am on my way to becoming a real pain in the ass. 

I hoovered down a baked potato, a roll, some pudding, more crackers and stupid apple juice. I hate apple juice and didn't ask for that. They want to know if I am peeing. YES. Can I go home now? NO! 
What time can I order dinner? Doc wants to know if I have gotten out of bed. Nurse rat fink tells him I have been rolling all over the hospital with my IV wheely thingy in tow. (she doesn't know I have been to the parking lot to retrieve my cell phone charger) He says I can leave after dinner. THANK GOODNESS. Strict instructions come and do you have a ride home.....of course I do. (I have a Pontiac)

The nephew shows up to drive me home. Yeah right, like I am leaving my car there. We trick old nurse dodo bird in the parking lot. I drive myself home. I cant wait to see the babies. I stop by the grocery store long enough to pick up a lemon cake. WHAT? I had some cravings. I come creeping in all bent over and in raspy sore throat voice proceed to scare the absolute shit out of the buns. Mama doesn't walk like that or talk like that. Very scary. Only Millie really loves me. It only took me 30 minutes to get down on the floor. She was very patient.

Anywhoo I am just fine. I was given my independence from my appendix on July 4th. I stayed in my fat pants for several days and did all the things the doctor told me not to do. I am not one to lay around but I did try. I watched all 6 seasons of Supernatural. I felt a deep personal relationship with Sam and Dean when it was over.

Sorry I don't have pictures of my appendix. They don't let you take it home. I don't see why, its mine. Every single word is true by the way. I am a bad patient and besides the hospital is the place that has all the cooties that make you sick. My surgeon told me he has only let 1 other patient go home the same day after an appendectomy. I would love to meet that person. I bet he/she could give me some tips on how to be an even bigger pain in the butt.  

Oh I almost forgot. The "suspicious thing" on my xray were 2 nickels in the breast pocket of my scrub top.

Surprisingly I don't weigh 500lbs.

"Hey YOU are the Wildlife Person"

Since when do I get the title "wildlife person." Bunnies do not qualify as wildlife.

Most of you readers that have been here for some time know about my coworker Torri. The girl is a hoot and still says things that make my jaw drop. (I know, can you imagine) Methinks we need a little funny today.

I am working away in my area and Torri walks in. She leans over me and whispers "there is a cat in the bathroom ceiling."  I asked her to repeat it and she yells at me (just in case I am deaf) "THERE IS A CAT IN THE BATHROOM CEILING AND YOU ARE THE WILDLIFE PERSON"......Hmmmm, I guess cats are wildlife now too.

I trudge off to the bathroom. We stand and listen. I cant hear anything. Torri swears up and down that she was just in there and could hear a cat meowing loud. I climb up on the toilet to get as close to the vents as possible. I listen, I say "kitty kitty" and then I start meowing myself. I have to wonder at the look on someones face if they walk in and catch us.

Fifteen minutes go by, I don't hear a thing, nothing. I wander back to my area and my other coworker Sean is silently working away. I asked him if he has been in the bathroom lately. Yep he has. So of course I ask if he heard a cat in the ceiling. He is behind me so I haven't looked at his face yet. I turn and look at him. He is beet red and laughing his butt off.

Turns out he has some kind of game on his phone that has cats on it. I guess the sound carries pretty well between the bathroom walls. I text Torri to come over and start up a conversation. At just the right time Sean lets go with the cat game.

I had to laugh at Torri. "SEE!" " I told you there was a cat in the ceiling"

Sean has stopped buying me donuts. The demon spawn coworker quit. Oh happy day but I still need those donuts.

Most of you know from Facebook that I had my appendix out July 4th. I have a lot of funny to share from that drama. Like when I met my surgeon he was bleeding.

1 year ago

Haven went to the Summer Lands

When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.



The Tent That Tried To Kill Him

So I got the buns this nifty tent and Whoosh loved it.....at first. Darla decided the best thing to do would be to try and jump on top of the tent. Well the cheapplasticmadeinchinawhydidyoubuythisjunkmom legs gave out and the tent collasped on Whoosh. This caused him to start tripping the light fantastic. He started to panic. I got the tent off of ole Whoosh The Boosh. I tried fixing it but he would only stare balefully at it, waiting for it to try and eat him again. Offending tent has been removed. Whoosh is no longer a fan of camping.



Its okay my love


















Monday Mantra:
“In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful"

Alice Walker

Godspeed Sprouti.....you were perfect to me.

Pushy Squirrel And Non Bun Related Photos

Mr Pushy Squirrel waits for me in the mornings. His bark means "sunflower seeds or peanuts right now lady"

Cone flower and me playing with Ipiccy

Lucifer Plant. I found this on the "dead" rack. Its a bulb plant so I didn't know what would happen but it bloomed!

  

 

 

 

 

Mother Wren has 3 babies out of the nest and I have been watching her teach them all afternoon.

I will try and get photos! If you don't mind the hearts then I don't mind the hearts!

Monday Mantra

To make no mistakes is not in the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes the wise and good learn wisdom for the future.

Plutarch

My mistake is the hearts all over this template. I cant get them OFF!

Monday Mantra and More

Hi Everybody!

Its been awhile. All the buns are doing splendid. I took a week off work to get some things done around the house. Managed to get the garage cleaned and did some yard work. Finished 2 really good books and spent time with an old friend on Friday. I really enjoyed it. We talked for hours and caught up. Its the first time I have taken off work in a loooong time and all the buns stayed healthy. Seems like the last few times I had days off somebunny had to go to the vet.

Lots of destruction in the yard due to storms. Had some very minor hail damage on the car. I stupidly thought I might get a little extra sleep. No go. Time to go back to work tonight. Back to getting calls at all hours of the day from people who just dont understand that night workers must sleep too. LOL, that is okay I guess. I turn my phone off anyway. Going to try and spend less time farting around on Facebook this week and get caught up on some blogs.

Darla and Whoosh are very much in love. She spends lots of time with her face buried under his chest. That's okay with Whoosh, he loves his Darla. Kisses her all the time. I am so proud of him. He has really come a long way. He now likes head rubs and will even stretch out beside me. The best feeling in the world is when they learn to trust you!

I hope all is well with you and yours. Here is your Monday Mantra!

"If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down."
Ray Bradbury

Rest in peace Mr. Bradbury. You turned science fiction into literature and influenced my world and I dont give a DAMN who disagrees.



Memorial Day Mantra

Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.
Ernest Hemingway

Memorial Day

Five years ago today Mojo came to live with me. (along with her sister Tango). Mojo is still a riot and a happy bun.

We will be thinking of all of our loved ones passed this weekend.

Monday Mantra

The insufferable arrogance of human beings to think that Nature was made solely for their benefit, as if it was conceivable that the sun had been set afire merely to ripen men's apples and head their cabbages.
                                                            Cyrano de Bergerac


I hate the new blogger format!

Happy Mother's Day

My mother will destroy me if she knows I posted a picture of her. The bunnies surely do love their Grandma. My mom will be 80 this year. The picture doesn't show how thin she is. 6 months ago her doctor ordered her to gain 10lbs or he would run some tests. On her 6 month check 2 weeks ago she had gained some weight. Of course she made sure the nurse weighed her with her shoes on and holding her purse that she had piled a bunch of heavy stuff in. Yep, they were in cahoots together.

She is a good mom. She still reminds me to drain the potatoes before I mash them. (because at the age of 42 I couldn't possibly remember to pour the water off that I boiled them in)

A very Happy Mother's Day to you all!

Monday Mantra

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you will have ceased to live.

Mark Twain

Yard Art

I love spring!

Clematis

Cornflower sharing with a moth

Kangaroo Paw

I saw these growing in Arizona and was just amazed. I couldn't believe my luck in finding one here.

And the beautiful Darla. Auntie Pix thank you so much for the Ipiccy discovery. I have had more fun with it.

Hmmmmm, I guess you want a Monday Mantra?

"Beauty is not caused. It is."
Emily Dickinson

Monday Mantra

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it
goes on

Robert Frost

Cupcakes!

My friend Juliet at craftygreenpoet.blogspot.com sent me these darling little bird feeder cupcakes a few months ago. They come with seeds and you are supposed to add leftover cooking grease to the mix. I decided to go for peanut butter and add a touch of oats.

I am saving the other for winter. I normally don't feed the birds in summer (except for the hummingbirds) but I just couldn't resist trying one out. They are supposed to hang from a string but since they have little suction cups on the feet I decided to leave it in my arbor. Aren't they cute?

Stop by and visit her blog. She is a poet/writer, a teacher and an environmentalist. Her photos of Scotland just give me a thrill.

Thanks Juliet!

Anyone want to take bets on how fast the squirrels will destroy these?

Look A Turtle!

I cant bear to look

I beg your pardon