Life is a puzzle I suppose. I find people to be the most puzzling and unpredictable. Animals.....well I know what to expect. Yes indeed they can turn on you but never with malice and cruelty. They just are what they are. Humans are different.I think the most gullible thing anyone can say is "I know you" , nah you really dont. People often dont show their true colors until there is a crisis. Either theirs or yours. I dont want anyone to ever know me completely, that's giving away too many secrets. However, I think people know that meanness and brutality is not part of my DNA unless you threaten me or mine. Then I believe in retaliation and response is swift. The thing about that is....sometimes folks destroy themselves.
Have you ever had a friend, a long time friend that was unhealthy to be around? Someone who never really wants what is best for you? The kind of person who is jealous and petty and self-absorbed and you continue to be their friend? Why? Good question. Maybe because they can make you laugh. Maybe because they have no other friends and why dont they have other friends? Most likely because they are so frigging self righteous and convinced that the whole world is out to mistreat them. They are needy, envious, fake, hateful, pitiful, stingy, cauldron stirring, ass-kissing prigs. The kind of person that even after several years of avoiding them they need you so you take up with them again. I guess you can see where I am going with this.
People I dont really know gave me the greatest comfort when my Haven left. Kind words from fellow bloggers and bunny lovers. It truly helped me get through that first week. I have met none of you in person and yet you offered me your kindness and compassion and someone I have known for 17 years struck out like a rattlesnake but with forethought and nastiness. I would sooner put a black widow in my bed and trust it not to bite.
I was taught to be careful. To guard yourself a bit. Be cautious about who you give your trust. Always make decisions without consulting people. Never be afraid to say what you think and that independence and dignity are the most important things you own. If its scary...do it anyway and to stand up for yourself and for those that cant stand up for themselves. That true friends are few and far between and that most of them will run at the first sign of trouble and that there are some who can and will turn on you eventually.
I have cast that person off forever. When I am done, I am DONE. It is a load off of my shoulders and thanks for listening even though I know it doesn't make any sense to you. I really needed to get that one off my chest. Now, lets move forward with this blogging thing.
I have lost twice in the last few weeks but I will only miss Haven.
Monday Mantra:
I have lost twice in the last few weeks but I will only miss Haven.
Monday Mantra:
“The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there...and still on your feet.”
Stephen King
19 comments:
My first husband was needlessly cruel and hurtful, but it was he who decided death was preferable to continuing on, and here I still am, so much better off than when I had him dragging me down.
Do your best, with love and compassion. That's all you can do. Remember to give that compassion to yourself first, though. Only by loving yourself (in the same way you put on your own oxygen mask before helping your airline seatmate) can you be of real service to your fellow creatures, whether two-legged or four-legged.
We're here to help each other. That's why there are so many of us.
Very good advice Bunnygirl. Thank you for sharing.
It was an amazing thing when I realized that bad people are giving you a gift when they are mean or dumb or thoughtless or whatever. They often do it very very early. A bad person to work for will make themselves known during the first phone call. A bad person to date will be thoughtless or mean very early, if not in the first date. Whether we choose to take that gift they give us- the gift of clearly revealing themselves- is up to us. Or if we 'give the benefit of the doubt' even though our gut is very clearly telling us not to . It was a long time before i started accepting that gift, every single time. When a 'close friend' isn't even as thoughtful as blog friends--time to move up and on. Thanks for sharing. Another credit to the wisdom of Haven. Perhaps just one more earthly gift of clarity for his beloved mum.
Christina yep I had a toxic realtionship with a long time gal pal since kindeegarten. I finally just had to let it go a year ago. I like your advice and sometimes we just have to get people out of our life that are making us miserable. Trust. A big one. Integrity too. If you couldn't trust that person to be there for you, well don't let the door hit her on the way out!
Christina, nope, I don't know you personally or completely but I do know we share a love of animals and a compassion for them that not everyone has. I also know how cruel people can be when we are hurting the most and I'm glad you got rid of that baggage (((HUGS)))
I'm sorry Christina. This is a hard choice to make and even though you know, in your heart, it's the healthiest thing to do, there will still be some grieving. Oh yes, there will. Allow yourself to feel it completely and then move on. We all have our own journey and this individual may have some hard lessons to learn along the way.
As The Frenchman says to me when I'm feeling down, or sad, or angry, or... "Let's talk about bunnies!" *grin*
Warm Squishy Hug,
Carolynn
I do not see how our rabbits who are so horribly abused ever trust again, but somehow they seem to, over time. The more I learn of human nature, the more I love animals.
There is something special about people who truly understand animals, especially prey animals. It cannot be explained, but if you can understand a soul like that, you have a greater, deeper connection with life. You feel stronger, love harder, and unfortunately hurt more painfully than those who cannot communicate with the soul of a rabbit. It makes us vulnerable. But it makes us better, I believe.
Thank you for all you did for Haven, screw anyone that messes on you.
It's a toughie. Most hurtful/uncaring people need some fixing but you can only do so much and go so far. Otherwise one gives the other too much, and inappropriate, power.
Glad we all could listen and be of help!!!!
Now - about my big sister .......
Christina, we are "only" blog friends, but then it is only physical distance that keeps us from being "real" friends. My blog friends have become some of my best friends in these past couple of years and I don't care if non-bunny-people think it's weird.
As far as friends who hinder and not help. Yup, I've had them. Less so those who were outright cruel, but too many of those who were tremendously cruel through their indifference. Not sure if that makes sense. I used to be traumatized but now I mostly keep everyone at an arm's distance. I don't give my trust to anyone, or accept them under what I believe the true meaning of "friend" is, not based on the years we have behind us or how much we've been through together, but only if the other person truly opens up first. If it never happens, so be it.
Thanks all. In the big picture it really doesnt matter much. Toxic is a good word, thank you Pix. Cruelty took me by surprise because this person KNEW how much I loved our sweet Haven. I would have expected a lot of things from them but not that.
I can see my friends eyes roll back in their heads when I talk about bunnies so I just dont bother anymore. (Except for my friend Deed,she knows the meaning of loving our furry friends) As I get older, my tolerance gets less and less.
Know how much I love you and all the fuzzy butts. I do know who you speak and it is that persons amazing loss. You are an amazing person and thanks to you I have been adopted by Oscar. You have been my very best friend for 15 years. So much love, laughter and goofiness in those years. It hurts to cut out the toxic people in our lives but we end up better for it.
You know all of us are here to cheer you on, support you, and to belly laugh at your caustic wit, you know we love your tidbits!
You plan on seeing me next month Dee Dee. I am coming up on Friday the 12 I think. I want to be in pj's and watch stupid movies, drink some wine and chat with you and wrestle with Oscar.
I can't believe you wrote that because I just wrote a big long blog story about how a "friend" hurt and disappointed me due to, I don't know, something on her own agenda. I didn't post it yet. I was just ready to and I was writing her off when she popped up and said something nice. I'm considering giving her a second chance because I know that deep down, SHE is miserable. But I don't trust her anymore.
I also do not have the tolerance that I used to. Life is too short to waste it on people who do not add to it in a positive way. Like you, many of my blog buddies have been better friends to me than some real life people. You mean a lot to me.
Thanks Debi. My blogging friends are great. Not only are they supportive, they are so creative. I see them make beautiful things, grow things, even the simple stuff like a pie recipe entertains me and their photographs? WOW! Not to mention all the love they have for their children and animals. Makes me happy.
Some people deserve second chances and some have had too many. I hope things go okay with your friend.
She's on thin ice.
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great people make you feel that you,too, can become great."-Mark Twain
In the past, I had many toxic friendships until one day I read this quote. I said goodbye to every single toxic friend and found that the really wonderful friends were just waiting there all along. A true friend may not always agree with you, but they allow you to be as you are and focus only on the wonderful things about you. They have a hand for holding when you need strength and a shoulder when you need to cry. They expect nothing except for you to be yourself.
xx, shell
Surrounding yourself with people you care about and avoiding those who hurt you sounds sensible to me.
Hope you are feeling much better now!
Pat
www.critteralley.blogspot.com
Post a Comment